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StabbyDaClown
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Name: Catherine "Stabby"
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Naperville
Birthday: 12/13/1985
Gender: Female
Interests:
stabbydclown.diaryland.com
Expertise: Being a poser, the art of napping, stabbing, being ungodly patient
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/11/2004
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| Oh hello, Xanga. Does anyone write in you anymore?
However, after reading today's "The Fixer" column in the Sun-Times, I've been inspired. Hit by a bolt of lightning containing magical Xanga-writing powers. Or I'm just plagerizing The Fixer.
So, loyal subscribers who have probably forgotten about Xanga until the notification of an update e-mail popped up, a list for you, of some of the shittiest, most hilarious, and downright asinine customer experiences I've dealt with to date (in no particular order).
1) After a mind-numbingly slow night at DQ working solo, I had cleaned up the store preemptively so at the stroke of 10pm, I could jet on out of there. At 9:55 a woman and 5 stereotypical Neuqua Junior girls come in, and ask "are you closed yet?" I respond, "I was about to lock up." The woman looks at her watch, insists she has 5 minutes, and proceeds to order 5 large, messy blizzards. The girls complain loudly how cold it is in the store, that it smells overwhemlingly like bleach and how long is this supposed to take? The woman then pays for the ~$20 transaction with a $100 bill, and then complained when the majority of the change she recieved was in 5's. I'm sorry I let her and her bratty daughter and her bratty daughter's friends into the store. I'm sorry I agreed to make blizzards. I'm sorry I didn't use my magic wand to "accio customers!" so I would have larger bills to make change with. I'm sorry she had a horse-face. It must have made her very bitter.
2) The J. Jill catalogue has "women's sizes" as an option. My store, however, did not. A plus-sized woman came in, asked me where the "women's section" was, and I politely informed her that while we did not carry either women's or petite sizes in the store, I would be happy to access our website and place an order for her. She then complained, loudly, about being discriminated against for being a "healthy, robust woman" and for being punished by never being able to try on clothes, paying exorbidantly higher prices, and always having to pay shipping fees for online purchases. She ended her rant with "I can't talk to skinny people! Find me a manager!"
3) After botching a customer's order, Jorge (the service bartender), apologized profusely and ran back to the kitchen to remedy the probelm ASAP. I approached the man and woman and asked if there was anything I could get them, another drink on the house, perhaps, while he waited for his corrected food. The man politely declined, and then commenced with muttering to his girlfriend about the "goddamn spics" who "don't speak English" and "probably illegal". I contemplated sending my Pakistani manager over to deal with the situation, but got the GM instead.
4) Some bar customers like to joke about whether they can get their alcoholic beverage "to go". Others, however, are dead serious.
5) While this was not my own, personal customer, just a few weeks ago a server came over to the bar to ask me if we can make a "virgin mudslide". I responded with "so like, a vanilla milkshake?" She disappeared, and returned looking confused, to ask "Um.... can we make a, uh... virgin martini...?" I returned her confused look and replied "Uh.... no. I can put some olives in a martini glass I guess...." The server came back a third time to inquire about a "virgin irish coffee" at which point I didn't even have to say anything as she retreated back to her table muttering about "idiot teenagers".
6) I would often have customers try to return things to J. Jill which had obvioulsy been worn, washed, and without a reciept. Really, ladies? Really? It was often these same women who would swear on the Virgin Mary that the full-price item they were trying to purchase was found on the sale rack, despite signs indicating "price as marked".
7) My favorite argument to have with customers at my current job is the "I think you're thinking of (insert popular family bar/grill chain)" while they insist to the point of calling me a liar, that no, they got southwestern egg rolls/free breadsticks/a shave and a haircut for two bits at my restaurant. Just last week, in fact! And it's so very, very cruel of me to pretend like we don't have said product/special offer when just last week! they ate at this very restaurant and recieved their fictional request!
8) I've heard people order fajitas and pronounce them like "fa-GYE-tuhs", like in "GYroscope", and one unfortunate soul order a mojito as a "moo-GYE-too". At this point, when repeating their order back, I'm unsure whether I should embarrass them by saying it correctly, or play along with their ludicrous pronounciation.
9) Another restaurant horror story: while being a server, a middle-aged couple was snuggling semi-obscenely in their booth, making overtly sexual comments to each other, and subtly sexual comments toward me. The climax (ahem) of the evening came (cough) when I offered them dessert (giggity!). The man asked if I was on the menu, and winked at his wife. I said no, but the brownie obsession is, and it's way more attractive and chocolatey than I am. They said just to bring it out with a full can of whipped cream, and that I was welcome to join them as they licked it off each other. I was so skeeved off that I had another server bring out their check and pick it up for me. The couple left me their number with a winky face, for anyone needing closure to the story.
10) Thinking of being sexually violated at work, at J. Jill I had an old woman tell me she wanted to find something nice to wear, as when she and her equally old husband have "intercourse" she had to take some medicine. She had run out, but picked up a fresh bottle from the pharmacy that day. I couldn't look at prunes for a month.
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| I win I win!
Spring Term 2007
Pros:
- One class was a directed study, meaning I never actually had to attend class
- One class was "Acting I". Enough said.
Cons:
- First time I took a full course load
- Two forensics nationals ate up first half of term
Results:
- Communications Law: A
- Media Criticism: A
- Acting I: A
- Advanced Radio Production and Direction: A-
GPA: 3.925
and all of the classes apply toward my Broadcasting major, so that GPA goes up too!
I win I win I win!
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| Every so often, a friend of mine restores my faith in mankind as a whole. Today, it was Brady Gunnink's turn. Behold a MySpace bulletin encounter:
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Brady
Date: Jun 9, 2007 8:15 PM
i usually hate spam but my friend sent me this free ringtone site and it actually works. you get 10 FREE Ringtones and the ringtones are sick! check it out:
http://www.RingerOnly.com
i got new Beyonce, Akon, Sharkia, Linkin Park and Avril Lavigne RingTones FREE!!
lemme know if u like it
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: I'm Cathi Martin!
Date: Jun 10, 2007 7:45 AM
Oh Brady. Why do you let spam bots try to erode my faith in you?
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Brady
Date: Jun 10, 2007 7:07 AM
But I really do think that these ten free
ringtones are absolutely sick! My life is a little better when Akon is
laying down a phat beat in my pants, and yours will be too. Visit now!
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| The most romantic thing to happen to me to date:
When asked to deposit salad into my awaiting bowl, he carefully picked around the cucumbers without my asking him to.
I think I'll keep 'em.
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